Not that I need you

There is something that my heart may feel,
Something, that mind is afraid to reveal,
Is it someone seeing though me, that makes me squeal,
I may be down, but then not that I need you.

Once, I lied for seconds and slept for hours,
Worked to death, aimed for the stars,
Today, the dreams are empty and my soul jars,
Will someone hold me, but then not that I need you.

I see not the pain of the poor; I see not the king’s coronation,
I see not the meaning; I see not the intention,
I see not the way; I see not the destination,
Will someone show the way, but then not that I need you.

I died in her arms, but before, I died in her mind,
She showed me the love, but it was me who was blind,
Never spoke my mind, my tongue was tied,
Today, I know not who to speak to, but then not that I need you.

Have got all the matter, but lost all that mattered,
Stood upright, showed fight, when spirits were battered,
Showed Courage, showed care, yet was left shattered,
Sometimes my heart asks why? Was it “Not that I need you”?

A Life Less Ordinary

They say “good is the enemy of the great”, when u have quotes like that, ordinary seems outright unacceptable. Then what is it that you do, if after a point in time, everything seems ordinary. Any job loses its challenge and sheen, once the learning curve starts to taper down.

But then that is ordinary, and how does one get away from ordinariness of life, and even worse the ordeal of ordinariness, day after day, weeks together, months together, and with the threat of becoming years together.

In spite of the discontent there is some security in inertia. Some security of it shall not get worse. But the truth is it often gets worse, but the pace of worsening is slow that we often don’t realize. Scientists say that if you put a frog in hot water, is jumps out of it, but if u put a frog in water at room temperature, and start heating the water to boiling point, the frog does not jump out but dies in the water. This happens, because the slow pace of adverse change (though life threatening) is more acceptable, than a sudden change. The frog might have still survived in the hot water, but the change was sudden, so it leapt out of it.

I guess this is what the slow monotone of life does to us. A slow death of the spirit. I refuse to be a frog, I refuse to die a slow death of inaction, a death of inertia. I refuse, I refuse. I know, I shall leap out, before it gets too hot.

I can survive anything, but for successive ordinary days

The future beckons…

Probably this is one of the most beautiful words for an ambitious person. The journey to the future is often much more beautiful than destination itself. And the scariest thing in life could be not having a destination to look forward to. It’s not for nothing that they say it’s lonely at the top. But with silos in the world increasing, and the division of work becoming paramount, there are people who are reaching the ‘top’ way too early in life and the loneliness does breed discontent. Once you don’t have anything to look up to, then the only way to look towards is downwards.

It is at this juncture of life, that the one’s true character emerges. The rats in the rat race are differentiated from real men. It is this when, people with real character find challenges which others cant see, milestones that no one has explored before, destinations that don’t exist. It is this where, your loneliness becomes your strength, your completeness of character, your ability to search for meaning in solitude and yet be common with commoners, regal with loyalty noble with nobility that shall set you apart. A chameleon with many colors who shall not rest with being at top of his work, but wants to go beyond to be a complete human being.

But surprisingly, to achieve all this ambition is not the only thing one requires. One needs humility and strength of character. People often ask me that I often talk about strength of character but what does character really mean to me. To me character is ‘ability to resist temptations’. There are temptations of immediate gratification, becoming rewards, love, lust, money, which we all desire and often take short cuts for. But those who have had the courage to rise above these, say no to them when it meant compromising on one’s own values are often rewarded with all this and much more.

I close with one of my favorite lines from a very respected man:

“Teri Zindagi ek aisa safar ho, manzil pe pahunche to manzil hata diya”

Politics of Manipulation, and incompetence of (hardly) “revered” politicians

They say a country deserves the politicians it gets. Not too long ago, I agreed that the problem with the country is because we as people of the country don’t shoulder our responsibility enough, and expect our politicians to do so. We are corrupt and act corruptly in our daily lives, but expect the politicians and governing bodies to be above such frailties. We are a praise hungry nation, we would always go an extra mile to be popular, and hence it is not surprising that our politicians also choose to be populists, even if it is detriment to the country’s interest. Not to forget it serves their vested interest just fine.

But last 3-4 years, I have met people in various spheres of life who are not prone to such frailties and have been doing only too well in their chosen field in spite of that. In fact I am tempted to say because of that. Honesty and strength of character are being rewarded duly in this country in all spheres except our polity and governing agencies.

Another thing, which I have never doubted is the competency and abilities of the people of India, their entrepreneurial spirit, their ability to find ways to get things done, their ingenious thinking, ready made fix up solutions et al. But unfortunately, even if we yield to their populist inclination as political compulsion, yet the lack of imagination and competence in design of policies, regulations has been truly disappointing. Lets take a few contentious political issues with populist overtures:

Subsidies – in various forms are given to various sections of the society, some commodity linked, some income linked, some employment linked and unfortunately all of them are misused and money siphoned in the process, which in effect costs the exchequer much more than what it actually should.

Power is subsidized for agricultural usage (even to the extent of being free) and domestic usage. The free power for agriculture has no relation to the needs of the farmer, and can be drawn for any amount, leading to its misuse in a power deficient country, and also costing the exchequer much more than it should. Further, there are diversions, where power meant for agricultural usage is used up for domestic and also commercial purposes.

Domestic power is often diverted for commercial usage without any real control on them. The linemen can often be bribed to get away with that.

To be honest, it is not difficult to do away with such problem, give away direct subsidy coupons to farmers, equivalent to their estimated power requirement, and let them pay up at the normal rate for the power consumed. This alleviates their problem, and caters to the misuse issue as well. Or no needs for the coupon either, just exempt the amount equivalent to the need from the bill. Yes, this shall involve metering requirement for the government, which is the least we can take care of.

Such misuse of power, has led to many SEBs and state government going under serious financial strain and affecting their credit worthiness, further hampering the investment in the sector in the region, making matters worse for the states. The lackadaisical approach towards containing T&D (Theft & dacoity) losses is another case in point.

Reservations – Reservations for all. For Scheduled Castes, for Scheduled tribes, for Other backward castes for handicapped. And reservations everywhere, government jobs, government aided educational institutions, private educational institutions, seats of higher education and if they have their way even private sector jobs. Meritocracy is dead! Long live meritocracy. Mediocre politicians promoting mediocrity is no surprise. There are ways to take affirmative actions, which is more effective, more pragmatic, promotes meritocracy and surprisingly even more populists. However, not surprisingly our politicians being mediocre people with mediocre intelligence, focused on short term goals (read next assembly election) fail to see the right way of doing things.

Whom do we benefit, with reservations in seats of higher education? I recently heard (though I admit is unconfirmed) that our hon’ble ex-president’s daughter is applying into one of these esteemed institutes in reserved category. I must say that their family deserves this chance after the oppression of becoming the president of the country been thrust upon these poor hapless souls. Well I guess, enough of this has already been said everywhere, but what has not been said is the alternative to reservations as affirmative action and its implementation.

How about tracking the enrolment and drop out rates of various communities, gender and religion at primary school level? How about free education or financial incentives to those who drop out of school because of financial problem? How about actually using the education cess levied on the hon’ble taxpayers of the country to provide better infrastructure and providing cheap credit or even interest free credit to deserving students in this category? How about social awareness schemes and fomentation of mentoring programmes for their children? Trust me all this can be done. But this needs a little more imagination and willingness to put heads and hands together. Not something one expects of our mediocre politicians.

Coming back from where we started, I may admit (I am not saying I do admit) that we may be frail in character, weak in disposition, or on the face of adversity, we may be suckers for popularity and personal gains, but can never believe that we as a nation are incompetent. So if a nation deserves the politicians it gets, we atleast deserves much more competent politicians, if not more honest.

I guess long before quota became a controversy, we have had quotas for idiots in the parliament. Irony, thy name is democracy! (Oops! Am extremely sorry Mr. Shakespeare for the last real bad one).

Life isn’t fair to anyone, that’s what makes life fair

We all have had occasions, where we feel let down by the rigmaroles of life. When we see less deserving people get the better of us or at times when we loose something that is really dear to us. Often, we end up complaining that life hasn’t been fair to us. But then, there are always others who have been deprived off its fairness.

I don’t think I have ever met a person who can say that life has always been fair to him/her. There are people who say, that life has turned out fairly OK for them over a period of time, but fair on all occasions, NONE.

But then I guess it is this impetuosity, with which life doles out its unfairness to everyone is what makes it really fair. It can be partial to some people at some point of time, but over a longer period, u always get what you deserve.

I for one believe that I have got most things in life fairly easily, without being too bothered, without stooping too low and without compromising on my general well being over an extended period of time. But then, at the same time I don’t have everything I could have asked for. I have lost things on the bye-way; I have paid prices which I had not bargained for, for things which I don’t value as much as the price I paid for.

Sometimes, these things do bother me, but then I shrug off, taking solace in Shaharyar’s famous words:

kabhi kisi ko mukammal jahaa nahin milta
kahin zamin to kahin aasmaan nahin milta

jise bhi dekhiye woh apne aap main gum hai
zubaan mili hai magar hamzubaan nahin milta

bujhaa sakaa hai bhalaa kaun vaqt ke sholay
ye aisi aag hai jis main dhuaan nahin milta

tere jahaan main aisaa nahin ki pyaar na ho
jahaan ummeed ho is ki vahaan nahin milta

Ordinary Thinking of Extraordinary Men

There are very few things in the world which are as humbling and at the same time disturbing as sub-ordinary vision from extraordinary people, (what makes them extraordinary is their successes and ability to be there).

One of the most glaring examples is the world’s favorite punching bag Mr. George Bush. When what the world needs is greater energy security, when you know the best way to cut terrorism is suffocating the financial supply to Islamic fundamentalists, by investing in alternative energy sources, we have the “most powerful person on the planet” indulging into ad-hoc cowboy-ism.

I fail to understand what he is after, are we living in an illusion that terrorism would end if Bin Laden is captured? This would be the naiveté at its worst, and I would like to believe that world deserves better leaders. What one needs, is to cut all sources of finance and capital to these terrorist groups. What to me appears obvious is that most recruits are not passionate Jehadis looking to die for a cause, but young men, who see this as the only way to meet their ends meet.

To my mind there are few steps which can help battle the scourge of terrorism, provided our world leaders are listening:

Technological thrust on developing alternative source of energy – With the rise of millions in countries like India and China the energy consumption of the world can only head North, and at a rate which shall be unprecedented to what the world has seen in the past. This shall lead to crude prices hardening, and giving more financial muscle to few of the worst governed rogue states with oil reserves. What it also does, it enables the rest of the world to impose sanctions on these rogue states, without worrying about their own energy security.

Also, this shall help reduce carbon emissions, provide energy security for the world providing cleaner fuel for sustainable development. The damage the increasing number of cars in developing countries like China and India is doing and the way we are making world a less livable place, is something, the coming generations may never forgive us for… though that is a separate discussion altogether

Cutting Financial Supplies – The power of money cannot be overstated. The “industry” of terror, thrives on the money generated by rogue nations through sale of crude and drugs. A closer scrutiny and surveillance on flow of money across the world to these identified nations and outfits to suffocate their financial vessels will go a long way in curbing their effectiveness.

Arms Control – With the technology for making arms so readily available through internet, books, trained personnel, this might be the most difficult thing to contain. But what this also means, is that more and more of these terrorist outfits shall be using internet as a tool to upgrade their weapons, planning their attacks, understanding geographical positions and alternative routes to their targets. And the good news is, that all search on internet leaves a trace behind, a greater surveillance of such searches on the net, shall be a source of vital leads to trace and pre-empt attacks. The intelligence agencies should monitor closely (I would like to believe they are already doing that) such trails on the net.

Inclusion of Islamic states into mainstream – A large chunk of Islamic states have been left out of the development and progress happening in the developed and neo developing world like China and India. The seclusion from participating in the progress, is one of the reasons, they are more prepared to hurt this “world” which they are not a part of. Once they are part of the mainstream, the world we all know of, they shall be reluctant to hurt their own world. This ownership to the world has to be instilled to the Islamic world.

Humiliation – It sometimes, surprises me how often the Islamic fundamentalists use the word “humiliation”. I don’t think poverty begets terrorism, if that would have been the case, Sub-Saharan Africa, left out parts of India and China, other underdeveloped nations would all have been at arms with the developed and developing countries. But fortunately, that is not true. It is the propagation of the “humiliation” syndrome that has put arms in so many hands. A world wide campaign to dismantle this false belief should be taken up. The world leaders should take initiative and use every opportunity to show their respect to Islam as a religion, Muslims as people, and Islamic states as countries.

The criticism of terrorism should be strictly issue based and objective, without delineating the vast Islamic populace from the mainstream.

Education – Modern education of Science, Mathematics and humanities should be made available in Islamic countries and hotbeds of terrorism. This needs to be done with a missionary zeal, providing implementation linked subsidies from the developed nations, collaborating with states to implement that, espousing the benefits of such education through exemplary statesmanship and maybe even pressurizing rogue states economically to make that happen. But as I mentioned before, our dependence on them for energy security has to be eliminated, before we can exert pressure on these countries.

It’s unfortunate, that we are still living in a unipolar world, where the leaders lack imagination, to understand the core world problems like:

Energy security
Terrorism
Carbon emissions

The long term solutions of thee problems are there, but needs perseverance and imaginative solutions.

I hope our eyes shall open soon, lest we shall use up all our energy reserves, and destroy our planet in no time. A crime, our future generations will not and should not forgive us for. For out children sake, the time has come to make sacrifices as human beings, as communities and as nations. It’s time for consumerism and individualism to take a back-seat.

Think, think whether we are a part of the problem, or part of the solution… least we can do is think.

Questions....

After a long sabbatical, here comes another post....

There was a time, I was young… I had dreams, I had targets, I had goals… and like a bullet, searching for its destination, worked towards it. Since then, lot of water has flown under the bridge; today I am at a juncture, where I have grown older, yet more confused. I have achieved most of what I had targeted for myself, say five years ago, yet I am unsure of my priorities.

Is money, career, a prestigious job, self actualization be all and end all of life? Or is there more to life? When was the last time I did a deed which was kind, when was the last time I helped someone? When was the last time I showed kindness towards someone who does not mean anything personally to me? When was the last time I felt the kid inside me burning bright? Is there something inside me which is dying, or is it that it is already dead? The values, the traits, the ability to take risks which I have always treasured, are they being sacrificed for something which is more superfluous or something which is entirely selfish?

I understand life has to have a direction, but then life should also have a meaning. Everything comes for a price, and at some point of time I was willing to pay any price to achieve what I wanted to. But now that I look to be getting there, the questions resurface, was it a fair price, was it something I should have paid. Or have I exchanged good coffee in an ordinary mug for a bad coffee in a good looking mug? What is it that I want, the coffee or the mug?

Questions… there are questions. And there will always be questions, hopefully someday I shall find an answer, and shall be able to say again,”I have got my priorities right.” I can see a certain someone winking at me :)

Jai Mata Di

The trip to Hyderabad was followed by what has now become an annual ritual for me, a visit to Vaishno Devi shrine. Followed so closely by the Hyderabad trip, that I headed straight from the Airport to the railway station to catch the train.

Keeping me Company were the usual suspects, Deepak, Himanshu and Pandey. The rush there was maddening. Locals told us that the rush is unprecedented for the shrine. And there was a queue for everything, from hotels to food to the darshan tickets.

People were stuck for more than 24 hrs, struggling to get the opportunity to get the darshan, the rush had all the makings of a potential stampede, but somehow things worked out well. With Mata’s grace we did not face too much of a problem, had a good darshan and were back. Though one exception this time round. We missed out on our customary visit to ardhkunwari.

I guess that is left for the next time. Until then….

Jai Mata Di!

Hyderabad Times

A very welcome break from the monotonous rigmarole came in form of a break to undergo a training programme on “Project Appraisal and Infrastructure Financing” in the sprawling campus of IDBI owned training institute JNIDB. Must say. It was a beautiful campus with excellent facilities.

The city took me aback with its cleanliness, civic sense the extent of development and infrastructural facilities available there. What was even more impressive was that the common man there was happy with the government machinery for what it has done to the city. They proudly said that the government machinery actually works without “grease” here. That’s not something you here too often in this country.

The training programme had certain excellent speakers representing the top brass of IDBI’s infrastructure financing side. Extremely knowledgeable and passionate about their work. The discourse was extremely enriching, and the members of the group interactive, participative only made it better.

Visit to the Golconda fort with the big gang was quiet a drag. The sound and light show in the voice of Amitabh Bachchan was fairly well done and was made even more interesting by the company I kept.

The campus was so reminiscent of MDI, and made me feel as if I belonged there. I wish we had more time there; I just hate to get back to work. Meeting with professionals doing the same work across industries, gave an entirely different perspective to the entire thing. The outings were fun-filled, though certain loud members of the group did make others uncomfortable and the fun vitiated.

Overall a trip worth remembering!!

India a Manufacturing hub

The story of India’s growth has been as delighting as it has been mesmerizing. Going by conventional economics, there are certain pre-requisites for growth like:

• Purchasing power in citizens
• A good manufacturing base
• A good manufacturing base
• Good ports and airports

If we have a close look at the above, India has none of the above, and yet it is growing consistently with a growth rate which will be enviable for most developing countries. (China humbly excluded). I agree the growth rate could have been even more phenomenal, if it would have been supported by the above mentioned “pre-requisites”. In fact to my mind the way forward is to address these deficiencies.

If we are so deficient in such basic requirements, what are the factors which are driving the country’s growth, and more importantly is this growth sustainable? Let’s take each question one at a time.

Factors driving India’s growth

The factors which have led to this high rate of growth in the country are:

• High percentage of people in working population
• Technology leveling the ground between developed and developing countries leading to large scale labour arbitrage (result BPOs)
• High number of English speaking population willing to cater to the needs of foreign work requirements
• High number of skilled labour

The above factors explain how we have managed to skip a vital chain in a country’s growth pattern, where first primary sector like agriculture and mining develop, then the manufacturing sector and then the service industry. We jumped straight from the primary sector to the service sector, thanks to skilled labour, revolutionary technological changes and woefully inadequate infrastructure and directionless government machinery.

Is the growth sustainable?

Very debatable, but I will say yes, to a large extent because I want to believe that the answer is yes. However, for the country to grow, it is imperative that sooner rather than later the infrastructure and manufacturing sector as to grow. The scope for growth is huge. Providing basic amenities like power, water, food, housing alone can lead to a kind of growth which will be unprecedented. (Yes, it can be unprecedented even by Chinese standards). What is required, is a strong government will, growth oriented policies and above all sound implementation with minimal leakages and misutilization of capital. A public-private partnership for a sustained growth is called for.

Like any other country, within the manufacturing sector, the commodity sector will take the lead, and surplus capital generated therefrom will be employed in other technology and knowledge intensive sectors. The preponderance of growth in the service sector means the service infrastructure for fast growth in manufacturing can be supported without too much of a hiccup.

Other factors which goes in our favor in support of growth in manufacturing are:

• Cheap Labour
• Growth in quality management education leading to pool of managerial skills
• Technological development of developed countries can be adopted, without having to invest too much of our own capital
• A huge proportion of the population in the working age group of 16-59Increasing consumerism

Looking at the possibilities and setup, there is no doubt in my mind that we have the wherewithal to be the next manufacturing led growth story, which will be both inclusive of a larger section of the society and at the same time create a new breed of capitalists. Are you willing to be a part of the party yet?

Investing Gyan

Discipline over temptations

For the last one year I have not put in a penny in stock market, because I felt that I should pay off my education loan before I start investing (no prepayment penalty meant that I could do that). How is that for a person, who believes that he can make returns of 20% CAGR, and the loan is costing him only 7% net of IT benefit. Hence, to my mind it is important to make the best use of this leverage, and pay off both the leverage and invest with a disciplined approach, rather that first loan than investing. With this new found wisdom I made my first investment of Rs. 15,000 in GE Shipping, which I think is ridiculously under priced.

There will always be cheap stocks

For all those who think that the market is overpriced and the bubble is waiting to burst, I somewhat agree with you, but then, no matter the sensex, their will always be bargain stocks in the market for the most discerning investor. The only problem is your effort in such a market is twice that you would need when the market overall is under priced.

Cash flow woes of salaried people

Salaried people like us get money on a monthly basis, and hence unfortunately, the investment decision is required to be made every month. The option of maneuvering the cash flows, which is available to self-employed and business people is often little. However, this also means that you can do with hitting the research desk only once in a month, and not on a sustained basis, when you have money to invest. The mantra for wealth growth is, invest small amounts every month.

Diversification

No matter how small is your resource pool, it still pays to get your portfolio diversified. It gives much greater liquidity, strength and options, when you need to dig from resources. Yes diversification can be an important reason for liquidity when you want to sell. Further, the common known benefit of diversifying the risk is anyways there.

Don’t get too close to the market

One is best of not monitoring the market on a regular or daily basis. The more times you see the price of a particular stock, psychologically you feel that you have been holding it for a much longer period than you actually have. Then the doubts on your research capability, decision making, and choice start to crop up. Your perception and pulse rate start oscillating with the stock movements. These tensions and problems are best left to the punters, let the investors instead make money.

Happy Investing!!!

Mood Swings

Ever wondered, why do we human beings have so many mood swings? One moment one is ecstatic the next you feel totally out of tune with the happenings of the world. Ever thought how much better we human beings would have been if we were devoid of this mental faculty of joy and sorrow? I guess at some point of time all of us have pondered about this relatively inane question. But most of the times, we would either shrug it off as something not worth bothering, or we go by the old adage that it’s sorrow which makes joy extraordinary.

It is the adrenalin rush on big occasions something that pushes one to stretch more that his or her capabilities, but it is the same adrenalin which can have you on the brink of disaster when you want it the least. So will I trade off my adrenalin to a more measured mechanical lifestyle where everything happens in measured quantities?

Someone said that happiness is what lies within you, but yet we seek for it in all the worldly pleasures, and the more we have them the more redundant our previous possessions become. I remember when I first bought a mobile phone, I thought it was a luxury, today less than one and a half years down the line the same phone appears not only basic but redundant and pre-historic.

It’s not the phone that I am talking about, it is the shortening span for everything, we live in the world of fast foods, fast cars, short attention spans, short product life cycles (had to put this, thanks to my educational background), frequent job switch and a perennial itch to prove to everyone around you, that “I am made of a different mettle”. Yet the more different we strive to be, more similar we become in attitudes. The more educated we get, lesser becomes our tolerance for diversity and adversity.

An educated person always wants to play safe, becomes risk averse to the extent that he would not want to lose his one months salary to explore the potential of earnings which can be multi-fold his present salary. This is where we need to have a re-look at our education system. But then I am digressing from the individual perspective to criticizing the education system.

How in this world where everything is ‘grown’ on shops, does one correlate to the nature? It is not only the existence of nature outside, but also one’s own nature that one is getting estranged with. What should one do, swim against the tide and go back to his roots, or should he flow with the tide to gain momentum. One strengthens the muscles, the other gets the momentum. Unfortunately you can’t have both.

It is decisions like these, which not only shape the future but also defines one’s character. Hope most of us have the wisdom to take the right choice, and more importantly because of right reasons, and not because of the fear of the other.

Gokul

Once upon a time, in a place called Gokul, their lived a mother with her foster son. The mother had no children of her own, but she never minded it, because she doted on her foster son. The child also oblivious of peripheral issues like whom he was born to loved his mother as much. They were going on a long journey together, the kid holding his mother’s finger, and the mother constantly indulging in playful banter with him.

Somewhere during the journey, the child got left behind, the mother didn’t notice and kept walking, when she finally realized and turned back, she saw another child on the way. This child was extremely attractive, well dressed and well mannered but all alone. The mother thought, this is also a child who does not have anyone, and is extremely attractive and good looking, so why cant I take him along as well. She took the second child along as well.

By this time the first son of the mother had caught up. He apologized to his mother for having lost certain paces and again started walking with her. But very soon, the son started to feel a little left out, as the attention of his mother was getting concentrated on the other child. He indulged in certain antics to catch the mother’s attention, but the mother after ignoring it for some time, coldly rebuked him.

When, the child tried to hold his mother’s finger, she took her hand off after some time. The child stopped at the middle of the road where the path split into two separate ways, and started crying, hoping that mother will come and take him along.

But mother kept on walking, she turned for a while, looked at her son, to see what he was doing, realized what the matter was, but refused to stop, kept walking….

The child feeling lost and deserted didn’t know what to do. Shall he keep standing here? Shall he chase his mother and catch up with her or shall he take the other path?

After contemplating for some time, he took the other path. But in his heart of hearts, he still wanted his mother to call him back. He knew that even if she calls back, he probably would not go, yet he wanted comfort of the fact that his mother still loves him. That would have been enough for him to take the journey ahead all on his own.